miss cathy

went to watch shek last week
pretty good
funny
relax me alot
after that we went to istana park to chat a lil
really wanted to drink
donno
just a really right atmosphere to do so u know
talk abt how the 3 of us feel abt each other
me mel and jer
oh gosh
isnt that what middle age woman will do
WOOO lets talk abt how we feel
hahahahha
its great that the libbies are really willing to speak out wat we think abt each other
really felt that it was impt
instead of back stabbing and all

abt me
hmmm
mel hit bulls eye
i change alot
i change when the situation around me change
its a good thing
but ppl wouldnt know how to act around me cause they don know who i am at that moment
am i weak
or am i strong
i suppose
....
at a really young age i've learnt more that wat ppl give me credit for
my mom always wanted me to change
to be flexible
open to ideas
relantionship
which is why i jump head in
into my 1st 3 really failed relantionship
all the 3 i was weak
i did all they asked me to (not sex u pervs)
i was the willing
i'll-walk-till-the-end-of-earth-for-you girlfriend
and they were shitty boyfriends
the 1st cheated on me
the 2nd was emotionally fucked up
the 3rd nearly killed me
after that i had to change
i learnt that i cant be weak
i cant remain the same at all time
i have to change
i have to be strong when the time comes
i have to be heartless when i need to
i have to be brave when everyone is falling
when there are weak moments when the burden becomes too heavy
i closed myself up because i believed that when i show my weakness fucked ups 1 2 and 3 or those alike will come knocking at my door
i cant have that again
never ever again

to those who want to understand me
just know this
i am strong cause i want to be strong
but that doesnt mean i'm always so
i am still a girl/lady/woman/female
i have my emotions too
u cant just hurl comments at me
and expect me to pick it up like a man
i might joke
say its ok its cool
but in this lil place inside
i do feel a lil hurt
i change because i feel its right
when ppl tell me to change i will only do so when i think its right
(a lot of times it is... i have very good friends/fam)
i need some TLC too
i just feel that because i seem so strong
sometimes ppl tend to think i'm ok
i need TLC too

just really havin a lot in my mind
i'm amazed by how much my brain can store
like i can think abt dozens of things at the same time
work can link to money
money to my bday
bday to the location
location to money again
money then to studies
future plans
work or school
family friends
dreams
wishes
soo sooo many things
i think i'm going crazy
even when i slp
I DREAM ABT IT
i don have enough sleep
cause my brain refuse to relax and stop thinking abt these things decisions
my mind is like a ADD child on drugs
its so hyped up that 1 day i might go insane
which this blog is impt
i can let go some load
and allow some more to come on broad

i really need to go KL
HOLIDAY!!!!