wow
where should i start...
my 2 dear ladies cow and ja
mel called me last nite
ask if i could leave the house now!
was confused ( i tend to be these few days )
then he put on on conf with both of them
they were drunk
in sun plaza park...
they kept saying they're sober
but they don sound sober
cow kept pukin
and tried to put ja's shoe on her head
mel was screamin at them
really
SCREAMING
but i understand
mel's worried
and both of them
they're upset
is not the world
not irresponsible
it's just that we cant control emotions
impulses
we're human
and most of the time emotions lead us like lil puppy dogs
no one can break free
some say they can
but really
they're lying
and when that emotion's too strong
too heavy
we do things like wat happen yest
we drink
we smoke
we scream at the ocean
we sing our hearts out
we punch the wall
we nurse our swollen hand after punchin the wall
like i've said
we're human
no one can judge us
cause everyone of us did some things out of desperation
be it our call of help
or to relax
to numb
i wont judge wat happen yest
i just did something crazy too
there's no judgement
not frm me...
then i was talking to bea
whose in aussie
FREEZING HER BUTT OFF
all libbies are havin problems now
the big stupid L word
listen to her problems
then told her abt mine
which is when i came to a conculsion
MEN ARE STUPID
STUPID MEN
WITH THEIR STUPID MEN BRAIN
AND THEIR STUPID MEN PENIS
men are pigs
oink oink
(bea now my future bf can see me curse at their manhood... u happy now? :P )
spoke to jer too
update him on wat happen to ja and cow
he was SHOCKED
he was more shocked when i told me wat i just did
he thinks we're goin insane
i happen to find wat i just did therapeutic
although i did went a lil overbroad
but anyway he told me to follow my heart
thanks for listenin dude
finally finally this morning
sms mel tell him wat i'm abt to do
asked him wat he thinks
mel as always
thot of something i didnt think of
his feelings
his say
it was all abt me
me being stuck
me not able to move on
he didnt move too
he was stuck too
so myorginal speech changed
i was about to
end a 8 year friendship turned relantionship turned friendship
8 years
how could u not have feelings
and finish it under an hour
he was there throu my lowest of lows
was there to guide me
and i have to him
we shared so much
and now i'm endin it
the 1st time i broke my number 1 rule in relantionships
never become friends with your ex
at that time we were unable to let go
we respect each other too much
to the point
we cant just stop talking in 1 day
so we continued this friendship
4 years
we were stuck for 4 years
i wasnt even trying to find someone great
someone new
cause deep down i thot
we'll be back together
you'll come back from seattle
or i'll go there
but either of us move
i wanted to
but i didnt
the u really came back
vacation
but still back is back
and i saw the big picture
i want to move on
i want to find the one
not some fucked up pretending to be the one
4 years of gettin into bad relationships
subconsciously i want to put him in a better light
compare
what i had was great
stupid me gave it up
but when he came back
i saw
he was wat i HAD
is in the past
i want to move forward
move on
a clean break is easier
u can reset it
it heals
and u move on
but if u leave things messy
and things are not putout right
then it just hurts
forever
i choose to reset it
and i'm healing now
trying to heal
i'm glad he agreed too
i guess both of us need to heal
he's going backpackin
and me
i'm goin to heal...
ENGLISH TRANSLATION
When you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesn’t
get undone even after the good bye.
the faintly burning pain.
The flavor of life
Neither friends nor lovers, in uncertain terms
like an un-riped fruit dreaming about the day of harvest
Unable to just move one more step forward
It’s just so frustrating
When you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesn’t
get undone even after the good bye.
the faintly burning pain.
The flavor of life
Sweet talk and tasteless conversations.
i have no interest in them
even when things do not go the way I want them
you make me believe that there is still something in life
When people asked ‘ whats wrong?’
I answer ‘its nothing’
The smile that disappears after goodbye
I’m not like myself anymore
The more i wish to believe in you,
For some reason it hurts even more
‘i like you’ instead of ‘i love you’ is more like the person I knew
the flavor of life
I wish I could cherish the white color of the falling snow like I used to
by the time I would remember the scent of the person I’ve nearly forgotten
A future tender and warmer than a diamond
i want to grasp it, in this limited time we have, i want to live it with you
when you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesnt
get undone even after the good bye.
the faintly burning pain.
The flavor of life