(A)The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans (C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

~

Everybody makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on pencils.

~

To be famous you must meet the following requirements:

Have a sob story.
Must be willing to tell that story.
Must be a drug-addict, alcoholic, or sex-addict.
Must have a constant vulnerability.
Must be willing to die young and tragically

~

Last month a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what 'honest' meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

~

10 things that sound dirty in golf:

1. Look at the size of his putter
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk
5. My hands are so sweaty that I can't get a good grip
6. Lift your head and spread your legs
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired
8. Just turn your back and drop it
9. Hold up, I have to wash my balls
10. Damn, I missed the hole again

~

Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

~

Ad seen in newspaper recently:

"For sale by owner: complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last week. Husband knows everything."

~

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head-first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off
I work in a damp environment
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not take initiative
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You are unable to work double shifts
You've been seen entering and leaving the workplace with two suspicious looking bags

Sincerely,
The Management

~

What PMS stands for:

1. Pass my shotgun
2. Psychotic mood shift
3. Perpetual munching spree
4. Puffy midsection
5. People make me sick
6. Provide me with sweets
7. Pardon my sobbing
8. Pimples may surface
9. Pass my sweatpants
10. Pissy mood syndrom
11. Plainly: men suck
12. Pack my stuff
13. Permanent menstrual syndrom
14. Problems men start
15. Potential murder suspect

~

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are Italian, the mechanics are German, the Lovers are french and it is all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and it is all organized by the Italians

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

Homer Simpson

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!"

Homer Simpson

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

Homer Simpson

"I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world."

Homer Simpson

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

Homer Simpson

"What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?"

Homer Simpson

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

Homer Simpson

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

Homer Simpson

"I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnidght."

Homer Simpson

Ok, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!

Homer Simpson

"Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achille's heel, if you will."

Homer Simpson

"Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whats-his-name?"

Homer Simpson

"You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on EVERY CAR!"

Homer Simpson

"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

Homer Simpson

"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

Homer Simpson

"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

Homer Simpson

"Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs."

Homer Simpson

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif; color: black; text-transform: capitalize; word-spacing: .3em; text-align: center; background: #bce9ff; border-style: double; border-color: gray; padding: 5px; width: 350px;"> Your Birthdate: August 17

font: small-caps small-caps 12pt Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif; color: black; text-transform: none; text-align: left; background: #e2f5ff; border-style: double; border-color: gray; padding: 5px; width: 350px;"> Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense. Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise. You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease. You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them. A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

那女孩對我說

作詞：易家揚　作曲：李偲菘　編曲：Adam Lee

心很空 天很大 雲很重 我恨孤單 卻趕不走 捧著她的名子

她的喜怒哀樂 往前走 多久了 一個人心中只有一個寶貝

久了之後 她變成了眼淚 淚一滴在左手 凝固成為寂寞

往回看 有什麼 那女孩對我說(說我)保護她的夢

說這個世界 對她這樣的不多 她漸漸忘了我 但是她並不曉得

遍體鱗傷的我 一天也沒再愛過 那女孩對我說 說我是一個小偷

偷她的回憶 塞進我的腦海中 我不需要自由

只想揹著她的夢 一步步向前走 她給的永遠 不重

hundreds of years ago when slaves r still normal happenings
ppl live in fear
of power
they submit to their owners
they will do anything
evrything
they live in fear of displeasing their masters
fear of death
fear of evrything
they have no freedom
no rights
1 dead another 1 to replace
the master do not care
do not feel

then it ended
in some parts of world it still exist
but we're not there
we have rights
and freedom

humans r selfish
we r selfish ppl
is our feelings 1st
wat we want 1st
yes in the road of self want we hurt ppl
we hurt love ones
but then wat the other way to get wat we want is to do that
wat is that want is too strong
u cant stop it
u accept it
and the ppl around u will soon accept it

they might not like it
no one said they have to like it
but they accept it
ppl will hate u
will dislike u
but then u knew
that it was the result that willl follow ur decision

i don hate u
i don like wat u do but i accept it
u think that u will burn in hell
god will punish u
but tell this to him when u see him
i did it for love
my love was too strong
if that is a sin
then punish me
punish all the fools who fell in love

ppl might think i do not care abt u
abt ur feelings
which is y i like don care
but no i do
i respect u
for wat u do
i dislike wat u did
to us the lies
but i respect u
like i said we're all selfish
humans=selfish
end of story

u have to do wat u did to get wat u want
even if it means selfish
even if it means hurting us
for that i respect u admire u
for i
i cant
i have to think wat others think
i don have something i want so badly i can turn my back against the world

i will admit that i hate u for doing wat u did to us
y u don listen
y r u so bloody blind
but then a little side of me envy u too
i nvr loved so strong
i let go too fast

we want u to think
abt us
we feel used
do u think we like it
no we don
really we don
we no longer wanna lie for u
and i hope u don lie too

i've grown tired of telling u that he's not a good guy for u
really he's not
telling u but u don listen
u love him so much
that when we see u get hurt we cry for u
but u still love him

gave up i guess
like i said
i don have to like it
but i accept it
accept that i've lost
we've lost my friends
so please
stop making her choose
stop making her see the light
is not that i don care
i don like it too
but wat can i do
stop hurting her
she's already hurt
brusied and battered in the name of love
stop hurting her in the name of helping her
stop it

give up my friends
stop telling her who to be
wat to be
let it be

had a GREAT bday yest

gosh

was out with bea in the afternoon

SHOPPING

hehehehehehehehehhehe

thankz gal again for all the things u got for me

haha

then went olivia’s place

and SHOPPED MORE

shit

I just cant stop myself

hehehehehehehehehhe

and finally

I went clubbing

yeahhhhh

we wanted to go dbl o

BUT

they increase the age restriction

to 20

so me and aiko cant go in

BOO!

we went next door to O bar instead

man ladies nites is like woah

lost count of how many pairs of heels line dance on my feet when I was getting the drinks

then we went gotham penthouse

it was fun dancing and all

haha

stayed for a couple of minutes

before we went attica

IT WAS GREAT

so fun

hahahhaha

really enjoyed myself there

It was there I lost count of the drinks I had

and had 3 glasses of redbull and vodka

which is the reason why i cant slp rite now

so freaking tired

but CANT slp

I was so drunk by the time we reach living room

damn

the place look fun

but all I could do was sit there

argh

overall it was great

is the morning after I hate

haha

cutie nicole 

mango divine 

some of of bbq food hahahahhahahaha  

the 3 of us 

the 2 Ms 

feeding time haha 

liv and me 

the libidos with olivia and nitz hehehe with a little lousy photo shop to cover me belly hahahahahahahhahahaha 

i wasnt ready for this 

the 3 gays??? hahahahhahahahahahhahahaha 

celebrated my birthday yest
hmmm
it was fun i guess
my mom invited lots of ppl
me got the libidos kavin olivia and nitz over
then my sis's friends
hahahahahha
also another "cow" or kow
hehe

the bbq and steamboat was great
my cake was divine
haven had a cake for quite some years
don really fancy them
but this 1 was ok
not too much cream
had fun with all my friends
and our shameless photo taking
will remember it always

it was with a bad start
as usual
my birthday celebration always is
was feeling pretty jinxed actually
spend the nite thinking abit
thou i bitched abt my bdays
it being jinxed and all
something good also come along after it
take last year for example
i can see things better now
the year where i have to chase a certain some1 around pasir ris park
i spent the most romantic bday i've ever had, with him

pros and cons
good and bad
they come together
same package
i had fun this birthday
and the bad start will always be there
but i still had fun

(p.s this post is not against any1 and i'm NOT angry with anyone)

How to speak about men and be Politically Correct:

• He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
• He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN
• He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
• He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
• He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL
• He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
• He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED
• He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY
• He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
• He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC VISION

How to speak about women and be Politically Correct:

• She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
• She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
• She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
• She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
• She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
• She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
• She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
• She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
• She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
• She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
• She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
• She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
• She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
• She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

wheeee
watched charlie and chocolate factory today
it was GOOD
really good
very much like the book
been watching for this for sooo long
hahaha
johnny depp just a GREAT actor
willy wonka is crazy weird and funny
thats wat u get after living alone for 15 yrs
and he did a great job showing that side of willy wonka
and the oompa loompas songs
haha donno how they do it man
it was great
haha

just saw harry potter and the goblet of fire's trailer
WOOHOO
waiting
hehehehehehehhe
is soo cool
and so cute too
lalalalalalalala

going to watch bewitched next
after my exams
YES
2 more to go
WOOHOO
and i got an A for my tv production assignment
I'M GOOD OH YES
I'M GREAT AH HUH
WOO YAA WOO YAA
hahahahahahahaha
so happy
lalalalalalalalalalalalallalalala
is a happy day

my birthday is coming soon
so the other day
my mom tried to replace my mouse!!!!!
NO!!!!!
my mousy's been with me for the past 15-16 years!!!
how can u replace 15-16 years with a piglet!!!!!
so i said no

but then she breaking apart
so she's gonna be like the kallang river murder
into 7 parts
thats something i cant ignore
sad
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

stuborn as usual
i went online
(GOD BLESS YAHOO!)
and found her!!!!!
fisher price
1987 puffalumps christmas mouse
they only made it in 1987
they stopped making it
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

again stuborn
i went ebay
and i found it!!!!
in US
plus shipping
muahahahahahhaha
but then
maybe i shouldnt
i mena my mousy is my mousy
the one and only
the new one
will be like the original
but mine wentl throu makeover
the stuffing is fuller
the skirt
everything
hmmm

will cont thinking
to bid
or not to bid
that is the question

hahahahahahha
lame
:P

my mousy now 18 yrs later candy cane torn and missing, change of clothes and tons of stitchings. i still love her :P  

my mousy 18 yrs ago 1987 Grey Christmas Puffalump mouse

"You're Beautiful"

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

i'm tired
donno y
no mood to do anything
listening to shan wee
today's theme
wat is ur theme song
if u have one
like when u walk into the room
wat track u wanna play
hehehe
mine
hahah
is the theme song from taxi
hehe
is remade into a black eye peas song
but i donno which song
hmmm

exams in 4 days
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
typing out the notes rite now
hope i can at least pass
no need As
pass happy already
haha

july just passed
YES
the mth of birthdays
I AM BROKE
truly totally broke thank u very much
15 more days to my birthday
hahahahahahahahahhahahahah
hmmm
not really looking forward to it
as almost all the birthdays i remember turned out to be a BIG disapointment
the list is endless
chasing someone around pasir ris park while she just sit on the pavement and cry because of some senseless lame reason
playing agony aunt very single year
my birthday seems to be the day of troubles
doing things i don like
like watching tom cruise act or cant act
(cutting off my tongue is a faster way to kill me)
ppl celebrating my birthday but somehow i feel left out and alone
if i wanna spend my birthday alone i'll stay at home
thank you very much
waiting for ppl
(head bang)
quarrelling on my birthday

so u can see
i'm NOT looking forward to D DAY
is more like praying
praying that nothing goes wrong
praying that this year will not be that unlucky
thats all
thats all i want...
PEACE