the nite walkers

alot of psychiatrist will agree with me that ppl who have diff sleeping at nite is the most stressed lot of us all
me too
i know
i cant slp at nite
and i wake up at 10 11 am
my mom had to drag me up
i like being alone
cause that is when i can control things
i can control wat i eat when i slp what i wanna do
i love being alone
but then i like being with my friends too
wat i hate is when i have no control over the problems having friends will led to
i use to endure
now i don
i tell them when i'm uphappy
but after that i'll be fine
u see all of us needs a channel
a process where we can channel all the nagatives into
i tell ppl how i feel
then i'm ok
i let them know i'm NOT angry at them any more
once after the "let my feelings off period"
i;m fine
and if they r unhappy too they can tell me
that is my channel
wat happen yesterday
for all i can tell the ppl involved was bad channeling

how is anyone gonna know how u feel if u don talk abt it
or ignore the ppl around u
NO u cant solve the problem by urself
being alone will NOT solve it
as much as i love to be alone
i know that
being by urself to think cant help the problem
u have to talk abt it
enduring wont help too
u have to tell ppl how u feel
like it or not

our feelings is like a snow ball
rolling down a hill of snow
it keeps getting bigger
and bigger
the only way to stop it is to let it out
they will not disappear after a while
as much as u want them to
THEY WILL NOT
the next time u're angry with that person again
her old problems u had with her
that u thot u forgive or forget
will surface once again
and will add up
they will get bigger and worse over time
so i urge u
all of u
if u have problems with each other

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
tell them
but let them know also
that once u let out all these feelings
emotions
u'll be ok
u're not angry anymore

i'm here speaking to u all
not scolding or pointing to ONE person
but to ALL of u
every single one of u
enduring will not solve the problem
being alone help
it clears ur mind
makes u think better
think better TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM
if u have wat i call "me time"
being alone
clearing ur head
and forgetting abt the problems
then theres no point
"me time" help u think how u can solve the problem
if ur conclusion during this period of time is nothing or no point solving
then this friendship is hopeless

that or ur "me time" is totally wasted
caused u ignore and hide from reality

abt me as in myself
i believe
if u're a nice person others will be nice to u
if u're an asshole others will be the same to u
i try to treat every single one of the ppl i know with respect
even if i dislike them
so i'll reviece the same
if they don treat me like the same i did
then they're assholes not me
i think this is really really impt because u cant aviod any one
esp ppl in ur group
u have to constantly deal with them
i take all these as a training
cause IN THE FUTURE
in a work place u cant just go off on ppl at random and expect them to be cool to u

wat i admire is honesty loyalty kindness generosity sensitivity and strength
i admire ppl who went throu hard times and came out more knowledgeable and a samrter person because of it

i learn all these frm ting ting
she is one who went throu all the hardships
all the shit
she came out smarter more kind stronger instead of being bitter and ask why ME
she learn frm all this
the old not so nice me piss her off alot
but she stood by me
for that i'm touched
and if i were to die tml
at least i know i have 1 true friend

she taught me to change
she taught me to go throu all this not bitter
but thankful for the training
will make me face my future life in this world stronger smarter

and i do feel that i need to tell the ppl around me rite now
we need to channel our feelings emotions
we need to speak up
emotions is like a snow ball that get bigger and bigger
handling emotions by urself is not a rite move
no one will know how u feel if u don tell them
enduring will make u hate that person more and more over time
u talk abt it
not rant
i admit i'm manic depressive
i cant control my emotions
i get angry very very easy
or i used to
but i control it now
is better to talk abt it

to the ppl around me now:
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT MUST READ

don endure
don ignore
don walk / run away
don pretend everything is a ok
don laugh abt it
don cut urself off with the rest
don disappear
don hide
don let ur feelings snow ball

talk about it
tell the person that she or he is the cause of how u feel now
that u're unhappy
is the only way to solve all this now
really ppl
THE ONLY WAY
TALK ABOUT IT