Top signs you're a drunken bastard

• You frequently urinate outdoors.
• You first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half hour later you're afraid you won't.
• You fall asleep taken a dump
• You believe that spilling a beer is Alcohol abuse.
• You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
• Find its easier to study drunk
• You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center
• Beer ads make sense.
• You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet, and you are so dry that it sounds mighty thrist quenching.
• You wake the next moring and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.
• The space on your drivers license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
• You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
• You need to take witnesses with you to confession because you can't exactly remember what you did and the priest wouldn't believe you anyway.
• You mix your coctails by the liter.
• You grow a beard because it stops beer thats running down your chin.
• You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic zen like piss.
• You wake up in the gutter, spit our several broken teeth, haul yourself to your feet, brush yourself off, and think "Shit, this is no way for a Bishop to behave..."
• You explain to your bank manager that you speant your overdraft "mainly on beer and women; the rest I just wasted".
• When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
• You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.
• You wake up the night after a party to put your clothes on and there aren't any.
• You find yourself saying "Honesly occifer I only hads tree bears tonight!" while snickering at his funny hat.