miss cathy

felt so invisible today
had no one to talk to
left out by everyone
when i do say something it get side tracked and nvr got back again
disappointing
then i started pigging out
1st the hotdog during break then the ramee burger after cls
then pasta in orchard!!!
felt so freaking guilty
plus was already feeling felt out
all this kindna made it worse
so when i got home started drinking lots of water and made myself throw up
which i did
feeling really uncomfortable rite now
i'm suspicious of everyone around me now
trying to figure out wat they really think abt me
or are they there talking to me because they had no other choice
ppl at work are extra nice to me
weiling talk to me
NICELY
like how she talk to her FRIENDS
then ppl in sch
they're just cold
i'm always tagging behind them or in front of them ALONE
is not really a great feeling
it gets to u after a while
it just got me thinking
i see them as a friend
but do they
or am i just someone that they had to talk to
or entertain for a while
maybe thay're bored had no one to talk to and i was the next best thing
it is pretty sad
thinking abt the times i was left out of the thing they do or say
i always know things the last and by the time i know
the event was over anyway
and they are talking abt how it went
i always give my 120% as a friend
and it saddens me to know that i don always get it back
the countless sorries they've said
now makes me wonder whether they mean it
are they truly sorry
or are they just trying to entertain me
or themselves
i don know
just know that wat i felt today
is not going to be the last...