without words

i should have done that. i should have ignored it.
like something i couldn't see
i shouldn't look at you at all
i should have run away. i hould have acted like i didn't hear it.
like something i couldn't hear.
I shouldn't have listened to love at all

without a word , you let me know love. without a word, you give me love.
you made me even hold of your breath but you ran away like this
without a word, love leaves me. without a word, love tossed me away.
what should I say next ? my closed lips were surprised on their own
coming without any words

why does it hurts so much ? why does it hurts continuously ?
except for the fact that i can't see you anymore. and that you are not here anymore.
otherwise, it's the same as before.

without a word , you let me know love. without a word, you give me love.
you made me even hold of your breath but you ran away like this (?)
without a word, love leaves me. without a word, love tossed me away.
what should I say next ? my closed lips were surprised on their own
without a word, tears fall. without a word, my heart breaks down.

without a word, i waited for love. without a word, love hurts me.
I zone out. I become a fool because i cry looking at the sky.
without a word, love finds me. without a word, the end comes to me.
i think my heart was surprise to send you away.
it came without a word.


without a word, it comes and leave.
like the fever before, maybe all i need to do is hurt for a while.

2AM - Confession of a friend

It’s been a while
since my heart has been changing,
since I’ve been dealing with it lonesome..
every time you came back,
I hated the guy that made you cry

I’d rather protect you,
although I don’t know if it will make it better…

This time I’ll hold you and love you
is what I thought

Baby, come to me now
And be my lady
I’ve watched you for too long
I stood there with no words,
hiding my pitiful heart.

As a friend, to remain as friends,
I had to push the confessions down my throat
But now I’ll confess to you,
I love you…

You hold my hand and tell me you only have me
Keeping me as a friend,
you say it’s a blessing
Whenever you say let’s never change,
I had to push my feelings down

It might be best if I protect you,
not knowing if it will be better

I kept hearing it but I kept cool
I was too scared to lose you, but…

Baby (Baby) Come to me now (Come to me)
And be my lady (lady)
I’ve watched you for too long
I stood there with no words,
hiding my pitiful heart (No)

As a friend (Your friend), to remain as friends (I know),
I had to push the confessions down my throat (The overflowing words)

That confession (confession) I had to hold it in (I couldn’t say it)
But now I’ll confess to you,
I love you…

A game not worth the candle

Some people don’t deserve anything in life.
They were put here to prove that point with their own self destruction.
What’s a sorry for if you don’t mean it or nobody is going to know you mean it. What’s the point of feelings if you keep having to lie and live in one?

Some people are selfish, useless, insecure and shallow.
They always say that they don't care if anyone gave a rats ass about them, but often resort to attention seeking methods for others to take notice.
They can hardly explain why they feel that no one cares, but down inside, they think that's the truth. After receiving replies from those silly enough to give a shit, they will find themselves in another, but not exactly new, problem and thus the circus begins. The circus of their never ending, longer than long, problems of their so-called life. And inevitability, they will end the chapter with "no one cares."

Some people don't understand why people think badly of them. Well my dear, you cannot erase perceptions. They can try to change it, but like the boy who cried wolf, their constant craving for attention will not allow them to remain in the background. Therefore they choose to offend and insult, to behave in a manner that is disgusting and obnoxious, to self-pity and self-destruct, all in full view of the world. Those who fell for their act the first few times have learn the lesson, but with these modern times, finding new suckers to shower them with sweet or encouraging comments is not that difficult. Sooner or later their new cronies will find out that these people are ticking time-bombs of emotions. They let others and their own disgusting selves get the best of them. They are their one and only downfall.

What's the point of finding friends. When with every friend you make, you release 10 enemies.

Now everyone just waits for the bad to happen and then they clap their hands in glee and rejoice “I knew it, you were a piece of shit.”

This post is a reminder to myself, to live my life with my own rules. "Some people" are the stones that will trip me, waste my time, effort and tears. I have better things to do than reply to self-pity/attention seeking messages on Facebook or what not. As much as I believe that is natural to wear your emotions on your sleeve, I do that often as it proves I'm human, to air them in front of hundreds of your "closest" friends is simply attention seeking. I used to care, I really do, but now I've come to a conclusion that I was just another sucker. To those who are true and are really in trouble, you will always see my helping hand and patient shoulders, I will listen with my 101% undivided attention. But to those who choose to waste my time running around in circles, only to find myself in a deep emotional slump in the end, I shall not bother, and will not care. Easier said than done, but I will try to my very best to block out these external nonsense and give my time to the ones who are truly in need.

I went to yesasia again to look at AATVXQ 3 DVD and count down to the days when i can buy it
but this is what i saw
This product is out of print and no longer available from the publisher
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

changmin wrote this song
nothing better
love it
esp the first part cause i'm susu bias i like all songs that starts with susu's solo
and
the last part when each of them sang a line jae sang last
total love


number 1 reason why i should get AATVXQ 3


XIAHKY
hahahahahahahahahaha
and i love how mylovelysusu always talks and then ask xiahky "kerojou" is that right >.< too cute

For some bloody reason i lost my upload pic icon...
So I have to make so with this...
http://www.yesasia.com/global/dong-bang-shin-ki-all-about-dong-bang-shin-ki-season-3-6dvd-photobook/1020608770-0-0-0-en/info.html
I WANT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND IT HAS ENGLISH SUBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IWANTIWANTIWANT!!!!!!
NEXTMTHSALARYGOESHERE!!!!!!
http://www.yesasia.com/global/dong-bang-shin-ki-all-about-dong-bang-shin-ki-season-3-6dvd-photobook/1020608770-0-0-0-en/info.html
Since i cant upload pics i cant give valid reasons why i want it
but iwaaaannnnnnttttttttiiitttttttt
ohmylovelysusu is just too cute
with xiahky too
hehehehhe

the past 2 days i cried till my eyes are sore
i feel defeated
like every next person i meet or talk to is trying to rip my bandages apart and pour salt on the fresh wounds

"silly rabbit
trix are for kids
how are you be so optimistic?
to the point of being extremely naive"

stop telling me what to do and who to be
all i hear are lectures
how you feel
what you think i should do

has anyone actually wondered what its like to be in my shoes?
if you think its sounds bad
how do you think i feel when its actually happening to me?

i have so many things on my mind i cant even begin to explain and tell

all my life i can only hope
can only dream
can only look at how people got what they want in life
maybe i took the wrong step somewhere along the way and ended up here
feeling a little envious

i cant feel sorry for myself i know
but sometimes being positive can be a real tiring thing to do
reality tends to hit you when you're down
i no longer have faith
thank you world for making me lose the only thing that made me human
faith in human kind
positive that i can have my dream future

my dream is realistic
i don't wanna be super rich or live in district 10
or marry someone famous, drive around in Audi R8
i just want to do well at work
find someone who loves me
get married have kids
my kids dont need to be angels
my husband dont need to step out of GQ
we dont even need to be happy all year round
just normal
that i'm happy with

people have taken that very basic away from me
i have seen what humans can do to each other
and i for one, am terrified of the future
and it will be cruel to bring future generations into this world
knowing who we are
what humans are perfectly capable of doing

maybe this is hell
has anyone thought of that?
we often wish that our enemies burn in hell
go to hell
but what makes us think that we aint already in it

i think a lot as i made up lost sleep today
even in my sleep my brain doesnt take a break

this is hell

is this...

Been kinda down...
Do wonder why i worked so hard for some times
to get recognition?
people i helped might not be thankful
to them i'm just a dumb fuck doing their work for them
not that i want to but in the end their sloppiness will affect me
i deal with the final product
therefore the 1st head on the line is mine
And does being honest help
i dont know but it sure dont feel like it now
perhaps its the wrongs i've done in the past
now slowly coming back to hunt me
how can i feel so lonely in a crowded place
how can i laugh when inside i feel like i'm dead
is this the medication
or have i always been this way
is this guilt
or its just that i simply dont belong
out of place
out of sight
out of mind